Ann | Cedar Rapids Counseling Center

Grief During The Hoildays

by Ann Gavin, T-LMFT | Dec 14, 2022 | Ann

Dealing with the loss of a loved one can make the holiday season difficult. It can be hard to find joy or feel like having fun, and sometimes it can feel like having fun is a betrayal to the person who has passed away. Here are some ways to prepare for the holiday season and still find some enjoyment, while also allowing yourself space to grieve:

1.) Allow some space by setting some boundaries

Set boundaries and allow yourself space to grieve. It’s okay to say no if something feels like too much, and it can be helpful to have a plan for how long you want to stay at an event and have an exit strategy if you start to feel overwhelmed. You can also choose to do events that help you honor your loved one or process your grief, or you can start a new tradition with your family or maintain old traditions that are important to you. Let your family and friends know how they can support you.

2.) Focus on what you can control

Focus on what you can control. The holidays can be overwhelming, with all the holiday music, gift shopping, and anticipation. Recognize what you can do to lessen the heartache, like limiting your decorations or shopping online. Remember that others may be unaware of your pain and are just going through the motions of the holiday season.

3.) Utilize a support system

Utilize a support system. Grief can be a very private and isolating experience, so finding a support group at a local church or hospital can be helpful. Knowing that other people are experiencing similar feelings and learning coping skills from them can be freeing.

4.) Prepare for others who may also be grieving the loss

Prepare for others who may also be grieving. You may come into contact with people who you haven’t seen since the service for your loved one, and they may also be grieving. Be prepared for them to want to know how you are doing and to share their own experiences with you. You don’t have to provide support for them, and it’s okay to say if you’re not ready to talk about your grief yet.

5.) Do something to honor your loved one publicly

Do something to honor your loved one publicly. Honoring the person who has passed can be a way to feel their presence during the holiday season. You can donate toys in their name to a children’s hospital or foster care program, give money to a favorite organization they supported, or volunteer with that organization. Many churches also have candle-lighting ceremonies for lost loved ones, and you can keep a candle lit in your own home in their honor.

6.) Seek help

Seek help. It can be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor about your grief and learn coping skills for when it feels overwhelming. Grief is a lonely process, but you don’t have to go through it alone.

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How Therapy Can Help You Through the Grieving Process

by Ann Gavin, T-LMFT | Feb 28, 2022 | Ann, Video

One of the first things I think is important for people going through the grief process to understand is that there’s no right way to grieve, and no two people will grieve the same way. So, even in a situation where a husband and wife may have lost a child, they’ve had the same loss, but they’re grieving in their own separate ways. It’s important to know that it’s okay that you’re doing it the way you need to do it. A lot of times, when a person experiences a loss, they’re really struggling because the people around them always want them to be okay. And they never feel like they have a place where they can go and just talk about that loved one that they lost. That’s what we try to create for you in therapy is a place where you can talk about that person all you want, you can talk about their memory, you can talk about things you miss about them. You can talk about the way people are treating you, you can talk about what you need from others, and you can learn how to share with others what you need from them.

As a therapist, I find working with people through their grief is a really moving experience. I have several clients that are going through this process right now. I am very comfortable sitting with someone who is right in the throes of it, and I understand the deep dark hole feeling that there is, and it goes away. You just have to give it time. And I understand that it’s such a cliche to say that, but it really does get better with time. When you’re willing to share with someone your feelings, it helps take that burden off just a little bit and makes it, so you don’t have to carry it by yourself anymore. I want to encourage anyone who’s maybe seen a therapist before, whether it’s for grief or any other issue that you might be having, that if you didn’t connect with that first therapist, that’s not your fault. It just means that person wasn’t right for you. So please reach out to someone else, and you may have to interview a few people until you find the right person, and that’s okay. It’s important to have help, and if you really need it, you will find the right person because there are a lot of caring people out there who want to help you and want to make a difference for you. If you’re experiencing any of the things that I was talking about, please feel free to reach out. I’m currently accepting new patients. So please feel free to give us a call or go to the website.