Infidelity is a selfish act that traumatizes your spouse.
Let Me Explain
It’s selfish because you are only thinking about yourself and your own needs. In fact, the person you are having an affair with? You don’t even love them. Yeah, I get that you have “feelings” for this person, but when did love become an emotion purely?
True love must end in wanting good for the other person. Love needn’t be devoid of passion or a kind of “intoxication”, but true love is never just passion or intoxication. The real life stuff matters too!
When I was a drug addict, I thought and felt like I was a good friend by helping my addicted friends score drugs. Would anyone really say I was truly a great friend? Of course not. My actions undermined my feelings of friendship.
Let’s Return To Your Infidelity
So, how is it that this cheating relationship is anything other than two selfish individuals pretending to be in love?
Yes, you have passion but are your actions directed at the other’s true good? Certainly not! Both of you are assisting the other in being unfaithful. You are both helping the other to indulge in their selfish pleasures. You are both supporting traumatizing the other spouse(s).
The two of you are undermining your promises before God and man that you were going to be faithful to your current spouse/s. I could go on, but it would just get too depressing.
Here’s the truth.
Most affairs last only a few short months precisely because it is a lie. Once the lie is exposed, that’s when the trauma happens, and the gig is up. You now get to spend months upon months sitting in a counseling office with me trying to win your spouse back and preventing him or her from divorcing your butt. It’s just not worth it.
As I like to tell my clients all the time, developing character is complicated at first, but the trouble is soon past, and virtue remains. However, to act indulgent, the pleasure is short lived, and the shame and the trauma stay with you.
It’s not too late to end your affair and rebuild your marriage.